In the Dead of the Night

You saved me from evil

but you are evil

eviler than he and she?

not in my eyes

but in theirs, yes

was it wrong for me to summon you?

to call out to whoever was listening

for something to come and save me

good or bad

bright or obscure as they may be

partly out of despair

And partly out of hope

who would blame me?

and who would damn me?

they do not understand a life of constant suffering

not just out but in

inside more than anything

but you were in the past

and out of curiosity I called out to you again

because I had forgotten those memories long ago

will you help me once more?

or will you cause me unimaginable suffering?

My mind says the latter

But my heart says not

And my intuition

 although strong as it may be

fails me the moment I need it most

whatever I choose

I will always have you on my mind,

when I feel most alone

in the dead of the night.

—–

◢ Annadris

Oh I’m Flattered! And Half Pissed Off.

I guess I’m a mother fucking mind reader. They walk up to the window and expect me to know their name. Yeah, okay Queen and King of the FUCKING castle I know who you are even though I’ve NEVER seen you before or but once like FIVE months ago! and yeah I know how to spell your name and Oo! I know your birthday too! 

YES you are the only Jack Davis in the fucking universe but that universe my dear is YOUR universe, the one you make up in your tiny little head of yours that thinks the world revolves around you and everybody should treat you with respect even though you treat them like shit once shit really goes down.

Don’t get pissed off with me because I ask for your ID or you tell me your name and you spell it like a fucking asshole! Oh wait that’s your parent fault, but wait you expect me to know how to spell your oh so special name that has a silent “FUCK YOU” in the middle.

Ah, but thank you for thinking I look cool enough to have special abilities. 

Twenty Five

T is for the Truth that I will forever seek.

W is for When I was younger I promised myself that it’d get better.

E is for Every day I never gave up hope.

N is for Nearly dying when I couldn’t take anymore.

T is for Trying everything in the God damn book.

Y is for every Year I wasted trying to find a cure.

F is for Finally Finding something that could help.

I is for Interrupting that by stopping all my pills.

V is for Visiting what I use to cherish dear.

E is for Every soul who understand how it feels to be mentally ill.

—–

◢ Annadris

And in Death

And there he was

His eyes 

Like dark black coals

Inside a familiar face, but not

I stared half in fear and half in excitement 

Then he kiss me

A first greeting in the night

I fell in love when I saw those eyes

And they followed me into my next life

It was my idea

To do the things we did

However awful

But of course he delighted in them

But I fear I delighted in them much more than him

Although I was human, not he

One day a comrade, like a brother to him came

He never spoke

But I knew what he said, mind to mind

And one day while sitting in the woods together

I looked over and I saw him

And I mean I SAW him

And who he was

And he saw me

And who I was

And we kissed

And fell in love
I loved both

But I chose one

And in the end 

The unchosen chose

To take me with him

Into death.

—–

◢ Annadris

Familiar

What has helped me wasn’t a belief in something greater

It was belief in myself, something I discovered later.

Who came to me wasn’t just the light, but the darkness also called out.

For a life of suffering, for years, without a doubt

changes a person inside and out.

An angel said not to fear

and the demon said, “I’ll help you dear,”

So I took the lights advice

and greeted the demon thrice.

Once with a bow,

Once with a kiss, 

And once on the demons lips.

—–

◢ Annadris