Morning Depression

Me: *wakes up & reach for phone* 

8:27am

*go back to sleep*

Me: *wakes up & reach for phone* 

 10:10am

Me: … just five more minutes..

…….

….

..

*opens eyes & reach for phone* 

12:01pm

Me: Uugh.. *slide face across pillow to edge of bed*

…..

..

12:35pm

*slides right arm & leg off bed* 

….

..

12:49pm

*slides half of body off bed*

….

..

1:21pm

*slowly falls to carpet*

….

..

Me: … *reach for blanket on bed and pull off* 

Me: *covers self with blanket*

Convos With Myself 1

Me: I want to become a writer.

Mwuah: You’ve said that before.

Me: Yeah but this time is different.

Mwuah: Is that so.

Me: I’m serious this time!

Mwuah:

Me: I’m going to do it.

Mwuah: Okay.

Me:

Mwuah: …Hey what are you doing?

Me: Just five more minutes..*closes eyes*

Mwuah: You should get up.

Me: 

Mwuah: Hello?

Me:

Mwuah: …are you sleeping?

Me:

Mwuah:

Me: (-, – )…zzzZZZ

Mwuah: You lazy fxxk.

BL♥Boys Love♥SOTUS The Series

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I was on Youtube one day watching random videos when I came upon a video and clicked out of curiosity. It was an OVA for Koisuru Boukun and ever since then I have become obsessed.  I recently started watching BL dramas and came upon the series SOTUS yesterday. OMG ♥o♥ I’m already in love with this show and I’ve only watched a couple of episodes!

SOTUS (stands for Seniority, Order, Tradition, Unity and Spirit) is a tradition at this engineering university where the seniors basically haze the freshman class, teaching them to respect their upperclassman no matter what and to do as they say no matter how embarrassing or insulting.  The main character, Kongpop, is an outspoken freshman who gets on the nerves of the seniors’ strict boss Arthit but later gets to be under the mentorship of him.

So far what I like about this series is it has a lot of those BL moments where you’re like “KYAAAAA!” *blush* (´ω`*)ゞ ♥♥ whenever Kongpop speaks to Arthit.

I do have to say, I bet on anything that Kong is the top and Arthit is the uke. o(^◇^)o

Boys Love on Weheartit!

His Name Is…

Diagnosed schizophrenic and having suffered from depression and anxiety most of her life, 22 year old Nonie is admitted into a psychiatric ward for attempting suicide. They know she’s afraid of something but getting her to talk about it remains a challenge, and convincing her it’s not real but that she has an illness is a whole other story.

———————————-

“Tell me about Charles.” Dr. Burnell requested.

“Ch…arles..” Nonie began.

“Yes, Charles.”

“…” Nonie glanced up at the doctor, her dark brown eyes large as if she were permanently surprised or perhaps as if she had seen something terrible she could never forget. She looked as if she were about to start, but her lips did not move.

“Since you’ve arrived here you haven’t spoken anything but one word.  The nurses tell me you’ve woken up screaming every single night and all they could get out of you was the name Charles.  You say his name over and over again.”

The doctor waited to see if she would respond to his claim but all she did was stare at him for a moment and look away.

“How about this Nonie, tell me one thing about Charles. It can be anything.  Even just one word.” Dr. Burnell waited in anticipation.

Nonie looked down as if thinking. A few minutes passed, then slowly her head raised up.

“Eyes..”

“Eyes?” the doctor repeated.

She stared into his eyes for a moment.

“Black eyes.” she ascertained.

The doctor looked at her for a second.

“Anything else?”

Nonie covered her eyes with her hands and bent forward.

“Don’t! Don’t make me!” She repeated this over and over again in a panic.

“Okay Nonie, it’s okay. That’ll be all for today. I’ll have the nurse escort you back to your room.  We can talk again tomorrow.”

Nonie stopped rocking back and forth and slowly uncovered her eyes, staring down to the ground.

Dr. Burnell got up and walked to the door, popping his head out to call for the nurse.  Nonie walked past him soundlessly as if she were walking on air and followed her back to her room.


9:00pm

“Lights out!”

Nonie grasped tighter onto the bedsheets below her chin, holding her breathe.  A dim light entered from the hallway through the tiny square window. Wide eyed, she was afraid to blink for if she did she was afraid something might appear in that split second she had her eyes shut. She breathed shallowly hoping that if it appeared she wasn’t moving then whatever she was afraid of couldn’t see her.  She knew this wasn’t really true but it gave her a tiny bit of comfort.

It seemed like an eternity of anxiety had passed. She began to doze off a bit from all the sleepless nights prior.

As she fought to keep her eyes open, she started to go numb in her arms and legs.  they felt tingly and before she could stop it from coming on she couldn’t move.

Every breathe out was filled with anticipation and terror. She could only move her eyes.

Nonie started to attempt to wiggle her toe to get out of the paralysis.

Suddenly she felt a heaviness consume the room around her, and she knew it was there.

Pressure suddenly surrounded her neck, as if hands were grasping at her throat but she could see nothing in front of her but the darkness.

She was choking.

She couldn’t breathe.

A deep, guttural voice spoke. 

“LET ME IN.”

..N..oo! She thought in terror.

“LET ME IN!”

NO!!

Her mouth seemed to be forced open as she felt a heavy dark smoke entered her body.  She felt it slowly move through her, from her throat,through her chest, down through her stomach and through her legs.

“Hhhhhaa!” She gasped, her body shot up in bed and she frantically looked around the room.

It was gone.

 

 

Oh I’m Flattered! And Half Pissed Off.

I guess I’m a mother fucking mind reader. They walk up to the window and expect me to know their name. Yeah, okay Queen and King of the FUCKING castle I know who you are even though I’ve NEVER seen you before or but once like FIVE months ago! and yeah I know how to spell your name and Oo! I know your birthday too! 

YES you are the only Jack Davis in the fucking universe but that universe my dear is YOUR universe, the one you make up in your tiny little head of yours that thinks the world revolves around you and everybody should treat you with respect even though you treat them like shit once shit really goes down.

Don’t get pissed off with me because I ask for your ID or you tell me your name and you spell it like a fucking asshole! Oh wait that’s your parent fault, but wait you expect me to know how to spell your oh so special name that has a silent “FUCK YOU” in the middle.

Ah, but thank you for thinking I look cool enough to have special abilities. 

Familiar

What has helped me wasn’t a belief in something greater

It was belief in myself, something I discovered later.

Who came to me wasn’t just the light, but the darkness also called out.

For a life of suffering, for years, without a doubt

changes a person inside and out.

An angel said not to fear

and the demon said, “I’ll help you dear,”

So I took the lights advice

and greeted the demon thrice.

Once with a bow,

Once with a kiss, 

And once on the demons lips.

—–

◢ Annadris