A is for the Anguish I feel
N is for Never escaping this wheel
X is for the Xanax I take
I is for Intense feelings of torment I make
E is for Every moment of my waking existence
That I have not enjoyed because of this illness
Y is for Yearning for a cure
That I will find nevermore.
Fair you are in Faerie Elphame
Air above and earth below
Intertwined your spirit is
To green earth and magic glow
Unseen to most you dance and play
Throughout the night many a fae
You then depart upon the day
To Faerieland, to which this way.
T is for the Truth that I will forever seek.
W is for When I was younger I promised myself that it’d get better.
E is for Every day I never gave up hope.
N is for Nearly dying when I couldn’t take anymore.
T is for Trying everything in the God damn book.
Y is for every Year I wasted trying to find a cure.
F is for Finally Finding something that could help.
I is for Interrupting that by stopping all my pills.
V is for Visiting what I use to cherish dear.
E is for Every soul who understand how it feels to be mentally ill.
And there he was
Like dark black coals
Inside a familiar face, but not
I stared half in fear and half in excitement
Then he kiss me
A first greeting in the night
I fell in love when I saw those eyes
And they followed me into my next life
It was my idea
To do the things we did
But of course he delighted in them
But I fear I delighted in them much more than him
Although I was human, not he
One day a comrade, like a brother to him came
He never spoke
But I knew what he said, mind to mind
And one day while sitting in the woods together
I looked over and I saw him
And I mean I SAW him
And who he was
And he saw me
And who I was
And we kissed
And fell in love
I loved both
But I chose one
And in the end
The unchosen chose
To take me with him
What has helped me wasn’t a belief in something greater
It was belief in myself, something I discovered later.
Who came to me wasn’t just the light, but the darkness also called out.
For a life of suffering, for years, without a doubt
changes a person inside and out.
An angel said not to fear
and the demon said, “I’ll help you dear,”
So I took the lights advice
and greeted the demon thrice.
Once with a bow,
Once with a kiss,
And once on the demons lips.